I’ve been in California this week (L.A. for a day, San Diego for a couple) and I’ve come away with another first. My hotel room in San Diego came complete with a bidet.

The Ass Cleaning Command Center

Using a toilet with a bidet is the most frightening thing I’ve ever experienced. The entire time I’m laying bricks I’m worried that there’s going to be some malfunction ending in a turd crumb trail left by me running out of the bathroom. I thought about using it, I even tricked the sensor into thinking someone was on the toilet to turn on the dryer and yes, even spray a pulsating stream of toilet water three feet out of the toilet, but I chickened out.

But who cares about my butt, what about some scenery pictures? I have three, yes, three. I’ll try to remember to take more on future trips now that I’m actually going to be updating this site, but for now, stop complaining… it’s not like you give a shit about my pictures anyways, jerk.

This is infinitely more awesome than the candy it's named after... Snowcaps can eat shit.

San Diego... at night.

Also Known As A Whale's Vagina

A little sidenote, I don’t know if it was because I was farting really hard in my sleep or what, but my bed kept shaking last night here in San Diego.

Chris Johnson
Not Sent From My iPad, But I Have Two (Suck It)